


Lost In the Harbor

by catsfromspace



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Comfort, Depression, Gen, not necessarily a healthy relationship, op can have a little nice Peter as a treat, probably ooc but i tried i really tried, written as romantic but can be interpreted as platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:00:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24231745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsfromspace/pseuds/catsfromspace
Summary: Peter spends an early morning with an acolyte of The Lonely
Relationships: Peter Lukas/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Lost In the Harbor

**Author's Note:**

> Literally just written to help cope with my own depression lmao

He came to you as fog. Sometimes, he was there in body, but more often than not it was the mist curling around each of your fingertips and lightly kissing across your cheekbones. Peter wasn’t fond of physical affection, but he spoke his own love language in the fog’s caresses. If you were lucky, you might find yourself in his company. If not, at least there was some comfort in knowing there was a chance that the fog was listening.

It was hard to say whether this fog in particular was natural or not. It rose to greet you as you sat at the edge of the pier overlooking the quiet harbor, but all fog had a tendency to rise around you for some reason that you couldn’t pinpoint. The way it pooled around your dangling feet made you think perhaps you were alone after all; when he was there, it tended to be lighter, almost more smoke than water. You licked the vapor from your lips; it tasted vaguely of salt air.

You decided that there was no harm in trying anyways. “May I see you?” you muttered, not turning away from looking straight ahead at the gentle water.

The silence stung more than usual this morning. You felt your face grow warm as a few minutes ticked by. Your eyes blurred with the beginnings of tears. Loneliness was no stranger. If anything, it was normally a gift. This morning, though, it felt like drowning. Being alone was the last thing you wanted for once, but even still, the thought of seeking company from most people somehow appealed less than your misery, and the only person that you could stomach had his own agenda for loneliness. You tried to steady your breathing, focusing on the gentle lapping around the wood and metal legs of the pier.

Your voice cracked as you spoke out once more, barely above a whisper. “Please?”

A beat of silence went by before a response murmured next to your ear. “Well, since you asked nicely, I suppose.”

With a small jump and sharp inhale, you whipped around to look up at the man towering above you, his head slightly cocked and one corner of his mouth tipped vaguely upward in what could be the ghost of a smile. “You came,” you said, softly and somewhat incredulously. You turned back toward the water and quickly wiped your sleeve across your eyes, suddenly self-conscious of the state of your face.

“So that was your fog after all,” you said.

Peter slowly sat down next to you with a tired exhale, leaving roughly a foot of distance between you. At first, neither of you spoke or physically acknowledged each other. Talking wasn’t a forte for either of you, and you knew that Peter would rather have teeth pulled than make petty conversation. Or any conversation, really. You focused on watching a small boat pulling away from one of the marina docks, causing a series of slightly more aggressive ripples to slap against the shore.

“You’re out and about early this morning,” he said.

When you simply hummed noncommittally, you caught him look towards you out of your peripheral. You looked over to see him eyeing your mismatched sweatpants and flannel and sloppy hair with slightly furrowed brows. When he looked you in the face, you averted your gaze, knowing he had noticed the dark, baggy circles under your eyes.

“You didn’t sleep last night, did you?”

You shook your head. You remained quiet, picking at a bit of dryer fluff on the thigh of your pants to look distracted. When you didn’t feel Peter look away, you spoke. “Its getting bad again.”

“The depression?”

“Mm-hmm.”

A moment passed. “Do you... want to talk about it?”

You looked at Peter. He looked pained by his own suggestion, but genuine. It was rare for him to extend an offer like this when he wasn’t putting on a sociable front for the sake of business or negotiation. It felt rude not to take him up on it.

“How do you do it? Being alone all the time, I mean?” You pulled your legs up onto the pier and crossed them. “No matter where I am or who I’m with, it feels like I’m somehow isolated. Like I’m on a different wavelength from the rest of the world.” You gripped onto your pant legs. “I thought I was supposed to love this feeling. I do sometimes. There are lots of days where I feel tiny and insignificant, and it’s the most freeing feeling in the world. But then sometimes it just turns into... I dunno. This. Nothingness. No feelings. No connection to anything. And then I feel like I’m failing The Lonely when I get like this. I shouldn’t care about the connections, but I can’t stop myself.”

Peter let the silence carry after you finished speaking. After a couple minutes, he scooted closer to you. He hesitantly placed his arm around your back and pulled you against him.

You stiffened. “You don’t have to force yourself to do this!”

He laughed softly, a tired smile accenting the creases at the outer corners of his eyes. “I think I can stand to make an exception every now and then.” He rested his forehead against the top of your head and closed his eyes. “I wouldn’t do this for just anybody, you know.”

You let your shoulders relax and sank against his chest, breathing deeply. His jacket was warm and smelled of tobacco, salt, and the warmth of daily wear. “‘Spose not.”

He let you breathe against him until your eyes began to close. The hand not holding you raised up to gently stroke your temple with two knuckles.

“Not every day is going to be as easy as the others. I’ve had my whole life so far to get where I am now. Most people aren’t exactly wired like we are. It’s normal to miss the rest of the world sometimes. You’ll get there one day. You’re young, you know. You have a lot of time ahead of you to figure out your relationship with The Lonely. It doesn’t think you are a failure.” He cupped your face in his hands and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. “And neither do I,” he murmured against you, the wiry grey hairs of his beard scratching against your skin. “You’re going to serve our god wonderfully.”

You smiled and squeezed your eyes shut, unable to keep a bit of wetness from escaping onto your cheeks. You nodded.

With your face still in one hand, Peter brushed a thumb across your cheek. “Let’s go get some rest, alright?”

You hesitated, worried about the possibility of an unwanted answer. “Will you stay with me?” you cautiously ask.

He thought about it. “I suppose I could do that, yes.” He pushed himself up and extended a hand to help you stand. “The loneliness after leaving from that promises to be too good to pass up.”

You rolled your eyes and smiled, taking his hand and standing. The both of you walked back towards the shore, not letting go of each other’s hands.

It was in the nature of you both to be alone, but for once, the skin contacted resonated with you. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to be alone together.


End file.
